Heather25 Funny Status Messages

   convinced there is NO functional family. Every family has a relative they would prefer to keep kidden. If you think your family doesn't have one...it's YOU.

   I've given up jogging for GOOD! I realized it was hazardous to my health after my thighs rubbed together so much my underwear caught on fire!

   :): The Bipolar smiley face

   You know the economy is getting bad when the ice cream truck has a sign on it that says we now accept foodstamps, Visa and Mastercard.

   My life would make one really good Soap Opera, or at least four really bad country songs.

   The first rule of becoming a ninja is to make loud unnecessary noises when you hit things!!!

   I wonder if stalking your stalker bothers them?

   Sometimes while I drink my coffee I stare out the window and ask myself "How many people am I going to cuss out today"

   Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.

   A woman woke her husband one night and said, 'There's a burglar in the kitchen eating my home-made steak and kidney pie!' 'Oh dear: said her husband. 'Who shall I call, police or ambulance?'

   A commercial traveller was passing through a small town when he came upon a huge funeral procession. "Who died?" he asked a nearby local. "I'm not sure," replied the local, " but I think it's the one in the coffin."

   A husband asks: Why do you weep and snuffle over a TV program and the imaginary sadness of people you have never met? Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don't know makes a touchdown.

   Aren't you ever tired of having yourself around??

   When the patient was asked if he had had a good night he answered that he'd slept as soundly as the nurse on night duty.

   I'll have what the guy on the floor is having.

   Dear Mr. undercover police car, I like your 5 extra antennas. ;)

   My husband and I have never considered divorce...murder sometimes, but never divorce.

   I'm tired of people seeing me and telling me they called me and I didn't pick up. "Yes, I remember ignoring that".

   Have you ever looked at the last few loads of dirty laundry and considered just throwing them away??

   bored of poking, can we have a spank button??