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I imagine love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then Listening to it over and over again till you hate that song." 
Alcohol? Yes. Feelings? Hell no!
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
Relationships? No, I prefer alcohol and pizza.
accidentally blew my duck call backwards and I called in Carson Kressley from queer eye for the straight guy. That was weird
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison
If you don't want to know what a 67 year old man from backwoods Louisiana thinks, maybe you shouldn't ask him.
Sex is great, but.....HAVE YOU EVER HAD STUFFED CRUST PIZZA?!?!
just heard that in order to show no hard feelings, Phil has ordered the staff at Duck Commander to increase production of p3n!s shaped duck calls.
pregnant chicks get on the bus and think you suppose to give them your seat like b@tch you should of fcked a niqqa with a car
I just heard that in order to show no hard feelings, Phil has ordered the staff at Duck Commander to increase production of pink duck calls by 25%!! What a guy...
Kanye West knew it was love at first sight the moment gazed deeply into Kim Kardashian's big brown mirrored sunglasses.
I don't censor my opinions for anyone!
Some people call me insensitive, but that's not true. I have an emotion: I feel sorry for the millions of pathetic losers who walk around like sheep waiting to be shorn.
Son why did you draw a dinosaur with a machine gun? First off, they can't shoot guns. And secondly, This rules,,, I'm calling the museum
I miss you like Michael J Fox misses soup
my brain has too many tabs open.
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment? 