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#SaveSharkWeekFromDiscovery, spread the word. 
Be a visitee and not always the visitor... see how that works out!
Since when did the bucket list turned into the bucket challenge. . .
Me: You're always so argumentative. Wife: I am NOT argumentative! Me: See?
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Does anyone really believe Bobby Brown even knew what a prerogative was?
It's nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he's getting hit by a train.
It’s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he’s getting hit by a train.
Saw my ex walking down the street. Where's Tony Stewart when you need him??
My Laptop should come with a breathalyzer so I can't post anything after 3 glasses of wine
I may not be that much of an importance to you but atleast I will be there when you need me
Just heard the gay channel have dropped the soap awards.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
Sometimes you have to take a deep breath & remind yourself that you wouldn’t look cute in prison clothes & smile at the jerk & walk away.
When I hear someone complain that their towns are boring with nothing to do, all I hear is a boring person who doesn't know how to have fun.
Inspirational thought: One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right?
If I ever get into road rage again, and the person gets out of their car. I'm going to run them over under the Tony Stewart act..... Just saying
Sometimes I wish Tony Stewart would run me over....... #Hangover
I won't be impressed with technology until I can download beer.
Me: "I'm here for the hookers and the booze!!!" Her: "Sir, this is a library." Me: *whispers... "I'm here for the hookers and the booze." 