Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Me: So I told him he could probably get a whole fist up there if he used enough lube. She: Here's your library card ma'am. 
Kim Kardashian pregnant, said to craving publicity
I haven't slept for 4 days... because that would be too long.
I like to switch it up between gangsta rap and Sarah McLachlan. Will I murder you? WIll I adopt you a puppy? You dont' know.
Imma let you finish Caitlyn, but Beyonce is the best looking tranny of all time.
Drank enough last night to kill a horse. In other news, anyone know where I can get a new horse?
Maybe my parents never told me how proud they were of me because they didn't have Facebook back then?
The chemicals released in your brain during sex are the same as when you see someone trip while taking a selfie.
Potty training my toddler was easy. It was teaching her to hold a phone and scroll through Twitter that was hard.
Sorry I knocked your baby out of your arms during my air drum solo, but Metallica.
Finding Bigfoot has been on the air for 5 years. It should be called Not Finding Bigfoot.
I hate it when I get out to the driveway and realize I left my Smart Car in my other pants.
FUN PRANK: Purchase any item at a CVS,, and then toilet paper the whole store with your receipt...... TWICE
I wish there was some kind of signal drivers could use on their car to notify other drivers that they're turning.
onder what all those old mom's think now when they remember telling their little boys, eat all your Wheaties and you'll grow up to be a big strong man like Bruce Jenner? The irony is, Bruce Jenner is now an old mom.
Kim Kardashian announced that she and Kanye West are expecting their second child. They say they don’t care whether it’s a boy or girl just as long as it’s famou
Now that Bruce Jenner is a woman does that make him a horrible driver ?
To everyone who posts a second comment to correct your first comment, you know what edit means, right??
I am looking forward to the day when a figure skater is brave enough to come out as openly straight
We played our sports shirts and skins style in gym class. Whenever it was the guys turn to be shirts the girls won. 