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My doctor put me on a low sodium/no alcohol diet recently. I've lost 6 pounds so far... I also know joy weighs 6 pounds now. 
it bad that I want to mix cream liquor with my shakeology?
forget senior discounts..Oj can get free stuff just buy saying something like "I'd kill to have some coffee right now"
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn't working out either.
If a man needs to be taught how to fish, then he is not a real man.
If it ain't one damn thing after another, it's the same damn thing over and over again.
According to a RAND study from June 2016,. The researchers concluded that these treatments would increase health care costs for active-duty service members by $2.4 million and $8.4 million annually, Have to make obamacare cuts somewhere.
Even to this day, I still can't remember that time I had amnesia.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
If I was out there on a boat or scuba diving, It'd be "shart week" for me
I can take either Sugar, Sweet n Low, or Splenda in my coffee. You could say I'm ambidexrose.
Ian Hart wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don't solve riddles that open portals to Hell
No need to drive me crazy, I can walk from here.
The relationship my wife and I have is psychological. One is psycho and the other is logical.
I hope the police take the Orange Man's advice and rough him up when he is finally arrested for being a Russian Spy.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
This years summer swimsuit look = busted can of biscuits.
pot a gateway drug? Not everyone who smokes pot ends up doing heroin, but everyone who does heroin started off with smoking pot!
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