Funny Status Messages

   Whats the definition of Necrophelia? Its that irresistable urge to crack open a cold one.

   Wondering why people with food stamps drive escalades?

   dont make love in your back garden! love is blind but ur neighbours arnt!!

   taking a shower - don't flush!

   woke up with the song Wonderwall by Oasis in my head, along with the word "portmanteau" for some reason... some days I feel like if Freud were still alive he'd look at me, shrug, and say, "Fuck, I don't know man. You're on your own with that one."

   To all those who look down on me; I'm tearin' down your balcony.

   says 'gardening' is what it's called when adults want to play in the dirt!

   Spiders are "just bugs"? Oh then I guess king kong is "just a monkey" huh pal? You kill it!!!!

   You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called "going commando"? It seems to me it wouldn't be useful in a combat situation.

   Well established facts can be disputed if you Google them hard enough.

   Canada still up there? Somebody really should check now and then.

   wouldn't the world be a better place if girls were like DOGS , always naked

   Canadian teen idol Justin Bieber scored a nomination for a 2010 Black Entertainment Television award. It's official, the world is coming to an end...

   Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone but I'd bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

   I just saw a Rabbi and a Priest walk into a bar together. I have a feeling something funny is about to happen

   Get off the phone while you driving and while your at it, pick a lane and stick to it

   likes reading FML stories because it makes my life seem Amazing!

   She didn't make me pay before she gave me service........... So I paid her in Trident Layers.........

   I said to my girlfriend "Just remember,my grandmother is a bit old & hard of hearing. So speak nicely,speak slowly & speak loudly." I then whispered to my perfectly capable grandmother "My girlfriend is slightly retarded." Oh,what fun I had.

   woundering if I was made in china