Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   BREAKING NEWS: Game show hosts going on strike... They know their jobs are in Jeopardy,.. but they won't settle until they can get a contract where The Price Is Right.

   At first glance, the word "Diputseromneve" looks confusing and retarded. However, if you read it backwards it's even more stupid.

   [grocery produce aisle]... ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?.. CLERK: No, why do you ask?... CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?

   The Cubs are not my World Series Champions!!!! Protest and Boycott the unfair World Series!!

   After a Nation Wide Survey we have determined that there were actually 3% more Cleveland Indian fans than Cubs fans. We hereby demand that the Chicago Cubs relinquish their World Series Title!!! ..... Said no sane person ever.

   Martin L King ... Looted nothing, Burned nothing, Attacked .... NO ONE ....... Yet ... CHANGED THE WORLD. Time for people to wake up ..... It's the mind ... Not the emotions that holds the power.

   Safety pins are for Babies.

   .... After eight years ... At least with a new President Comedians will finally be allowed to joke about the president once again.

   Safety pins are for diapers, full of crap

   What kind of Leader says and does nothing about Nation Wide Riots?

   it ok to put up a festivus pole before the 1st of December ?

   How much of your pants are you allowed to fold up before you're mistaken for a fisherman?

   "Please stop being mean" - Me 3 seconds in to a rap battle

   I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.

   FUN FACT: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)

   Old school slogan "Question Authority!" is replaced by today's "Question the News Media!" slogan

   #Life tip: if someone comes out of a #bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.

   Ran into a #PETA nut while walking my dog. He said my dog was my slave. Wonder if he noticed I'm the one carrying the poop in a bag?

   How I love #Monday. On a different subject. Have you ever met someone for the first time and wanted to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?

   A person without a sense of humor is like a car without shocks, they get jolted by every rock or pebble in the road.