Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The only reason I'd ever get a sex change operation is to see what it's like to be right all the time.

   .... Ya ....... When my lady says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have barely just enough time to fly to the Moon, write a poem about the Moon while I'm there before we actually go.

   ..... LOVE comes Naturally ........ HATE .... is learned .....

   Certain lives matter ... But only when they are k.illed by cops .... But not so much when they are k.illed by each other ....

   What does Elizabeth Warren and Rachel Dolezal have in common? Neither one of them knows they're white. . .

   Bet you've never been at a party the cops have shown up to where Raffi's Bananaphone was the jam playing.

   Where's B.lack Lives M@tter when 6 kids in Chicago get shot by other Black kids? Deserves an honest answer ... right?

   I am crying finding out that the world's greatest neurosurgeons finally meet, Dr. Drake Ramoray and Dr. Derek Shepard. What?!?! They are supposed to be dead.

   Our kids will never know the terror of calling a crush and having a parent answer the phone.

   There's a secret apartment at the top of the Eiffel Tower. Oui, Oui, this is where I plan to meet a French prostitute the next time I visit Paris.

   Among those in attendance at Lin-Manuel Miranda's final "Hamilton" performance were U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry, Jennifer Lopez, Jane Fonda, Rosie O'Donnell, Spike Lee and Mariska Hargitay. Too bad Alexander Hamilton missed the last performance.

   Third Child: Plastic grocery bag filled with one diaper, a half eaten cracker, and a flask.

   Second Child: Used diaper bag filled with enough basic essentials for the day.

   First Child: Top-of-the-line diaper bag filled with everything he'll need until college.

   My desire to be well-informed during this presidential election is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

   CarefreeBlackKids2k16 offers both heated arguments with friends and figuring out how the dog filter works on Snapchat. Great way to unite America!

   The way a dog that doesn't play fetch looks at a thrown ball—that's how I feel about everything.

   I may not be the brightest crayon in the tool shed but at least I'm great at analogies.

   Ah, my youth: We sang praises to our processed meat products. Bologna had a first name. We all wished to be wieners. It was a gentler age.

   if you hitchhike make sure to use your thumb correctly or people might think you're just congratulating them on their excellent driving