Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   There's a closet pervert in each and every one of you. . .

   .... "There once was a girl from Nantucket" ..... DAMMIT! .... Apparently I'm a terrible Poet ... cuz I can't think of anything that rhymes with Nantucket.

   I may be her Teddy bear, but remember I'm still a bear .

   I'm so ignored here I'm beginning to think all of you are actually cats.

   If anybody out there is in quarantine right now, can I come over?

   You changed your profile picture and I changed my mind.

   At what age do you get to start falling asleep in every chair you sit in?

   If getting ignored in real life is not enough, try twitter.

   I shot off a flare to get rescued from a bad date, and now everyone in this restaurant is mad at me.

   A 'Baby On Board' sign, but for your whiny boyfriend.

   * changes bedsheets, 14 socks fall out * Hmmm... * apologizes to the dryer *

   I checked with my doctor, and beer is right for me.

   If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.

   I like sleeping because it's like being dead , without the commitment...

   I have an eating disorder. It called not starving to death. . .

   Last night I turned wine into vomit. Your move, Jesus.

   It's not in the way you look or the things that you say that you'll do.....Hold the line, love isn't always on time,

   Human beings can be such a$$holes to each other.

   baby your a$$ is fine but stop bringing your donkey to the club.

   Hold on.. Lemme find a pic of me with my clothes on.