Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sometimes "message failed to send," is your second chance.

   Crap, my Giga Pet just died.

   When you're dead, you don't know you're dead and it's only painful and difficult for others. The same thing applies to when you're stupid...

   Pro tip: If you really want to freak people out wear a Santa Claus suit as your Halloween

   I could survive 3 months in the wilderness with a pocket knife and the contents of a woman's purse.

   For Halloween I'm going as a mom who sends her kids up to strangers' houses to beg for candy while she stands in the street drinking a beer.

   Here's hoping that the new Star Wars trailer results in the Princess Leia metal binki costume trend coming back.

   I will judge you based on what your teen-aged daughter wears on Halloween

   9 minutes ago Should I buy halloween candy or pay off my mortgage?

   If Hooters delivered would they be called Knockers?

   Are you single? No I am Album.

   Bruce Jenner is Woman of the Year? That is great and all, real news would be when Obama becomes a a man against Putin...

   Realized I never said "unquote" after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I've said since is Shakespeare

   He walked across the parking area explaining, “I’m going through a lot”

   If you take a trip around the world and calculate the different time zones just right, you can pick yourself up from the airport

   It's like I tell my kids, "don't cry over spilled milk, cry over daddy's inability to keep up with our mortgage payments."

   It’s nice how your Selfies accentuate your instability.

   someone needs to tell Wyclef he can come back now

   I am not saying she is ugly but if she had kids, I wouldn't want one of her puppies

   I may not be great in bed, but I should at least get a participation medal after sex.