Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   We know how annoying it is when skinny girls keep talking about how fat they are. Stop fishing for damn compliments

   Nurse::::You unplugged your grandmothers life support ,, well excuse me lady but ..My phone had 1% life left..

   Sorry you stood next to me at the urinal in sandals, bro. What did we learn from this unfortunate accident?

   Trigger Warning: if someone's free speech offends you, maybe the United States is not the country for you....

   Halloween is a great time to get rid of any expired or unused meds.

   Gotta love Lamar Odom.... This is the first time in history the hookers and coke actually saved a guy's marriage.... Rock on Lamar

   If you think that age is just a number, then prison is just a house .

   I'm flirtatious, which means i'm poor.

   What if oxygen is poisonous and it just takes 75-100 years to kill us...

   After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"

   I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat. She said it rang a bell but didn't know if it was there or not.

   Safety Rule #1. Never put your hand where you wouldn't put your willy

   I'm from Canada, but they kicked me out 'cause I wasn't sorry.

   *watching news report of zombie apocalypse* Me: This is great. No work today!

   You havent truly hated me until you've heard me eat a bag of chips while you're trying to watch a movie.

   My neighbours kids pretend restaurant sucks,, The service is horrible here and the prices are outrageous.

   How can someone who makes less than 200,000 a year vote Republican I'll never understand.

   How does Sean Connery shave? Ctrl + S

   If you're last name is Walker and you aren't a Texas ranger, I'll assume you have disgraced your family by choosing another profession.

   If everyday is a gift then today was socks...