Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   FYI,, I'm Sneaking into your house and eating just enough of the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms to make you sad,,, but not suspicious.

   Yesterday,, Someone once tried to break into my taxidermy studio,,, but I fought them off with my bear hands.

   sees influx of duck face pics. *Unholsters NES Zapper

   Talk to your kids about drugs. No, seriously. They have better connections.

   Pee is the enemy of sleep

   When your surrounded by enemies the only thing to do is pull the pin on your grenade and smile!

   Before you knew it, the here and now was 30 yrs ago. . .

   Behind every beautiful girl is the ugly relationship that made her scared to love again

   I find it extremely ironic that "strap on" is "no parts" spelled backwards.

   Your feet & the inside of your car tell me everything about a woman.

   7 years ago I met the love of my life and have been blessed every day since then... I love you Nutella.

   What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to "like" cream cheese on Face book?

   I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check

   I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.

   Football is on. I'll talk to you guys in February.

   The line was a little long at my pharmacy so I grabbed my cell phone and pretended to call someone. The line emptied quickly when I described my contagious rash and the fact that no doctor had found a medicine that would cure it yet. Good times.

   With all the seriousness going on in the world, its imperative I let you know that a sex addict can always beat his addiction

   I think the winner should aspire to greater things than a chicken dinner...

   Washes entire car with the squeegee at the gas pump

   1 out of every 3 Obama supporters are as stupid as the other two