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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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My dentist said I grind at night. I said, I think the kids call it twerking now.
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08-30-2015 06:51
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They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken.
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08-30-2015 07:13
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Took a quiz "Which Sex and the City character are you?" Turns out I'm the bus driver who splashes Carrie in the opening credits.
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08-30-2015 07:33 by
unknown comic
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Just watched an entire TV show without being on my phone just like they did on the Mayflower.
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08-30-2015 08:29
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I heard that breathing can give you cancer.
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08-30-2015 12:00
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Some days, all I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask. That is all.
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08-30-2015 12:02
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My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I'm sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
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08-30-2015 12:04
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Underwear is for pussies See what I did there? .. Sigh.. Brilliant
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08-30-2015 12:06
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Stevie wonder is blind and can play the piano but I can't get a text back 😒
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08-30-2015 12:06
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Fruit flies. Is there anything nowadays that isn't gay?
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08-30-2015 12:10
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Nothing makes a room feel emptier than wanting someone in it. J
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08-30-2015 13:40
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If you're an adult, you don't have haters. You're just a showoff .
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08-30-2015 15:00
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Have you ever turned the radio station and the same song was on..happened to me
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08-30-2015 21:45
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it in bad taste to ask if Wes Craven died in his sleep?
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08-30-2015 22:54
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Taylor should Have Grab The Mic from Kanye west and Said "im sorry, but MLK jr. Had the best speech of all time"
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08-31-2015 00:30 by
VamNate
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Kanye even went as far to become a Kardashian to get into the spotlight.
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08-31-2015 00:50
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You knew how I chew when you agreed to marry me.
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08-31-2015 01:58 by
Czovczov
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2020 will be like any other election...Kanye will vote for Kanye
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08-31-2015 02:15 by
Eddy
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Hope you're feeling OK after being sexually violated by Miley Cyrus last night.
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08-31-2015 10:02
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if Kanye did become president, the first lady will be. . . let that sit in
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08-31-2015 12:03 by
randygalaxy
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