Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   How are we supposed to cure cancer when we can't even find a cure for selfies?

   Can you imagine the media coverage had the Virginia shooting taken place with the races flipped? Sad to see how biased the media is. I guess #whitelivesdontmatter, right?

   Dear Bryce Williams, White Lives Matter.

   Race War Coming Soon to City near you.

   I'm at my neighbor's house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!

   When emptying email spam folder, why does anyone need to be asked are you sure you want to empty this folder. We do not need to be asked are you sure. Yes I am f#cking sure ! ! !

   ust looked up from my phone and realized I was sitting in a restaurant that closed in 2007.

   one thing I have learned from the latest 24 hour news cycle... You can limp wrist a Glock and it will still function

   Bar B Que Bacon Cheese Burger... The best part of my day.

   "You gonna eat that?" My wife asks,,,, pointing to my words.

   Once upon a time a man was told to go f#ck himself and he lived happily everafter. . .

   You had me at "hello," But lost me at "bae"

   A group of girls with a selfie stick is called a travesty.

   Spandex: a Right, not a Privilege.

   It's National Beaver Day.

   *stops to smell the roses* *steps in dog poop..

   What if the Lottery is an institution to catch time travelers..?

   This lady in Walmart is staring at me like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.

   Pro tip: buy the cheap vodka and run it through your Brita water filter a few times..

   COP: can you describe the man that attacked you?..... TEACHER: I don't know, CAN I describe him?...... COP: *heavy sigh* MAY you describe him