Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 5003 of 5593

   messageicon Just did a Google search for Gary Oldman.... for the love of God, don't forget the 'R".
←Rate | 07-22-2015 10:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My 6 year old asked me what it was like to be married so I ignored him for a week and then yelled at him for something he did when he was 3.
←Rate | 07-22-2015 10:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hospital is a place where they'll wake you up from sleep to give you a sleeping pill.
←Rate | 07-22-2015 12:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys try too hard to sound intelligent on Facebook to impress a chick who's sleeping with a dude who can't even read
←Rate | 07-22-2015 13:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know who else says I'M FINE when they are clear not fine? Satan
←Rate | 07-22-2015 13:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today has been a very stressful day. So I'm pouring vodka over my salad instead of dressing because I'm trying to be healthy.
←Rate | 07-22-2015 13:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Newest Facebook Relationship Status: Pre-divorce
←Rate | 07-22-2015 14:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the 50's things where better then they are today!...and oh yeah! you're an idiot
←Rate | 07-22-2015 14:47 Comments (3)  


   messageicon saw myself naked in the mirror and now my hand isn't in the mood
←Rate | 07-22-2015 15:03 by Nipper Comments (0)  


   messageicon So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
←Rate | 07-22-2015 19:50 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just showed up at Walmart in an outfit I bought at Target,,, People think I'm some kind of movie star.
←Rate | 07-22-2015 21:11 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought AshleyMadison was the bakery that made Zingers... Didn't they used to sponsor Charlie Brown specials?
←Rate | 07-22-2015 21:18 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Umm. . . Unless your muzlim, women in the USA had the right to vote in the 1920's
←Rate | 07-23-2015 10:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder which one of the Looney Toons is going to bang LeBrons mom on Space Jam 2?
←Rate | 07-23-2015 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know its good sex when she stars screaming some other guys name.
←Rate | 07-23-2015 11:39 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well,,, According to WebMD, this burning is NOT an Eternal Flame.
←Rate | 07-23-2015 15:03 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just Donated blood..I hope whoever gets it likes wine. 🍷
←Rate | 07-23-2015 16:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only advantage of an old enemy is that they can distract you from the devilment of new ones.
←Rate | 07-23-2015 17:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hot singles in your area want to work out and eat healthy while you watch Netflix in your underwear .
←Rate | 07-23-2015 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never get caught because I've watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
←Rate | 07-23-2015 19:24 Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left