Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I guess I should have told you my kid was a dog when I sent the invitation to his first birthday party.

   No man has ever won a game of 'notice anything different about me?'

   Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.

   You don't know a woman unless you understand what she's not saying to U.

   Ladies, I now understand the whole "my eyes are up here" thing ever since I started wearing a sword.

   I've stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.

   I'm collecting Canadian followers, in case I have to cross the border unexpectedly,,

   OMG I met the perfect guy! Maybe I can fix him. - Women.

   Of course Snoop volunteered to play outfield for today's Celebrity Softball Game in Cincinnati. That's where the grass is!

   people are so quick to tell a smoker that cigarettes killed their grandma. They leave out that she was 90 yrs old. Maybe that was part of the reason too.

   I'm living in a drama-free bubble today.

   May order Greek delivery for dinner tonite. Plan to just tell the driver what I'm prepared to pay.....

   If your girlfriend has a friend that annoys you, don't tell her to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how pretty she is.

   So 50 Cent is all he's worth now?

   50 cents files for bankruptcy. That's all he had to his name

   My Man Crush Monday is: Obama. I hope a rock falls, and crushes his head.

   Another day ruined by responsibly

   If you think you're having a bad day just remember, at least you're not receiving death threats by one of the world most powerful drug lord.

   Hey Youtube, you've got a grammatical error on your website... Its "You WILL skip ad in 5 seconds"... not, "You CAN skip ad in 5 seconds"

   50 cent is broke wants to be called 5 cent now