Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm just over here slow clapping at your failures.

   Either I need to up my dosage or my income.

   PRO TIP: Before you buy the house, have here sit up on the kitchen counter to make sure the height is right.

   I'm not sure teenagers understand that by having unproteced sex, you can catch aweful diseases. And not only kids, but STD's too!

   If you love something, let it go.... Except a dog. Or, a balloon. Or, a baby stroller. Actually, don't let anything go, that's stupid.

   [parents visiting] MY DAD: Looks like you got about an inch of rain. *cut to my dad looking at my bong I left on the patio table* ME: Yep.

   Why is Cuba now acceptable but the Dukes of Hazzard are not?

   My parents told me I wasn't a planned child...That explains why my life isn't going according to plan!

   oh the good ole days when music videos were the same length as the actual song

   Morning America, what are we offended by today?

   Give a man a fish & he'll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.

   I drink a shot of whiskey a day as a toast to the great life I've lived. I finish the bottle for other reasons.

   An illiterate man is a dead man walking.

   Obama is demanding British rocker change Rebel Yell to Rainbow Yell.

   I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation....

   My bad, Obama is demanding British rocker Billy Idol change Rebel Yell to Rainbow Yell.

   Before drinking an "energy drink", pause to consider this: How are you going to use that extra energy to better serve Christ?

   Hash tagging more than a few times in a post is like wearing Ed Hardy.

   Wow! U.S. accepted Cuba BEFORE accepting Justin Bieber?There is hope down there. (Canadian observer)

   An ISIS terrorist was temporarily detained at the US border, when his prayer rug was mistaken for a Confederate Flag.