Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dad, I love how we don't even have to say out loud that I'm your favorite.

   The most interesting thing about me is my lack of interest.

   It's also amazing how someday, someone walks out of your life and you wonder how the hell you lived with them!!

   If time is money Facebook owes me like...29 billion dollars...

   Kanye West calls himself Yeezus because he can turn, "Not winning a Grammy Award" into whine.

   Happy Father's Day, Caitlyn Jenner!!!!

   Do the Kardashians have to buy Bruce Jenner a gift on both Mothers Day and Fathers Day now?

   I'm beginning to feel jealous of you and your pics with your dads...I don't get to see mine til tomorrow when he delivers the milk

   I don't watch porn; I can't get over the frustration that the pizza they ordered is getting cold.

   Cain killed Abel by bashing him over the head with a rock. Guns would not be invented for another 8000 years or so.

   You mean didn't exist I assume.. You're correct.

   What an idiot that Maury is, inviting me onto his "Father's Day DNA special"..... I don't even have any kids.

   Well, it's that time of the year again when the $150 a week I invest in child maintenance finally pays off by providing me with a pair of socks.

   6 yrs now the dogs have forgotten fathers day...not even a hug..

   Happy Father's Day, Bruce Jenner!

   Enters gynecologist's exam room wearing a lab coat and giant foam finger

   Happy Father's Day, God!

   Well I guess Caitlyn Jenner missed out on both Mother and Father's Day this year....

   Once you get to know me, you'll agree that I have the refluxes of a cat...."...you mean REFLEX? "... *I cough up hairball on the floor & run away

   it bugs me when an ugly girl has her one hot friend in every profile pic. It took me 3 weeks to realize I friended the dud