Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   To unsubscribe from our mailing list, please catch a wild bear and bring it to our headquarters where you will have to wrestle it and win

   Contort my hands into gang signs before the rigor mortis sets in so I die legit

   If you can't handle me at my worst you're probably good at setting boundaries.

   People who have a meme for every Facebook comment scare me more than serial killers.

   4:43am Neighborhood Watch Report: my neighbor gets a super creepy look on his face when he's sleeping.

   A new study shows that as people get older women retain memory better than men. This just proves that thing my wife told me...

   .What's your dog's handkerchief for? Is he robbing a stagecoach later?

   I say potato you say potato, another guy says potato, everyone starts chanting potato, the potato meeting was a huge success

   Do these boxers, this bag of chips, and couch make me look single?

   Cheer up LeBron. You did win the MVP after all. Most Visible Privates

   I'm not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.

   Don't blame the guns. A killer has a wide selection of tools to kill with. Control killers not guns.

   A fun thing to do with when you're watching "JAWS" with someone is lean over halfway through and whisper "I think the shark did it."

   Ladies, if your boyfriend can't drive a stick shift, you have a girlfriend ...

   When I love, I like to give it my ALL. Same when I don't love.

   THEN MAYBE THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE MADE WORKOUT CLOTHES SO COMFORTABLE TO LAY AROUND IN

   It's HARD being this creepy.

   I'm awkward. I don't apologize for it. Hi.

   It's almost noon and still nobody has peeled me a grape. Worst. Father's Day. Ever.

   My Dad sends his love because he thinks I know you all personally.