Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon In hindsight, naming my animal control business "I'll Pound That P ussy" wasn't a very good idea.
←Rate | 06-16-2015 14:27 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't need religion to raise my offspring, I have common sense.
←Rate | 06-16-2015 15:03 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I enjoy having a full length mirror facing my bed so I can see all the sex I'm not having.
←Rate | 06-16-2015 16:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sprayed a spider with axe body spray to kill it but now its name is chad and he is f$cking all the girl spiders in my house.
←Rate | 06-16-2015 19:38 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon i think my inner child really kinda runs the place!
←Rate | 06-16-2015 21:14 by flipphonescoot Comments (0)  


   messageicon my life coach told me to just let the clock run out!
←Rate | 06-16-2015 21:16 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh, come on.. Who among us hasn't checked African American on an application?
←Rate | 06-16-2015 21:33 by jrbirk Comments (0)  


   messageicon The statue of liberty turned 140 today. When asked how she feels, miss liberty replied "I'm fine!"
←Rate | 06-17-2015 10:16 Comments (1)  


   messageicon This lady behind me at the store just "beep-beep'd" for me to move out of her way, and this is how murderers are born.
←Rate | 06-17-2015 11:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever get a hamster I'm naming it MC Hamster. I might buy one for that reason alone....
←Rate | 06-17-2015 11:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love comes in all shapes and sizes. A-cup B-cup C-cup D-cup..Coffee cup.
←Rate | 06-17-2015 12:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it
←Rate | 06-17-2015 15:17 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon No thanks body wraps. If I thought magic would help me lose weight, I'd eat a wizard.
←Rate | 06-17-2015 15:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife just opened a bottle of wine so my chances of getting laid just went from 0 to 750ml
←Rate | 06-17-2015 15:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Star Wars (1977) An epic tale of a pair of gay robots teamed up with incestous siblings to help them destry their father's midlife crisis toy.
←Rate | 06-17-2015 15:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I've lost my marbles" ~ Bulimic Bulimic Hippos.
←Rate | 06-17-2015 15:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was your age, I had to walk 5 feet from the coutch to the TV, on fluffy orange carpet, without texting, both ways.
←Rate | 06-17-2015 15:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some women wear so much makeup that it takes everything I have not to honk their nose.
←Rate | 06-17-2015 15:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are having a bad day, just remember that someone from your home town is still trying to become a rapper.
←Rate | 06-17-2015 15:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My U.S. citizneship was questioned because I wasn't out of breath after walking up a flight of staris.
←Rate | 06-17-2015 15:29 Comments (0)  



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