Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Wait come back, I didn't mean it when I was just being myself.

   Judge: You're sentenced to death. You'll be hung. Wife from the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG. Me: Your Honor uncuff me so I can high five my wife

   I don't have tattoos for the same reason I don't have children -- I'm afraid if someone tells me they're ugly, I won't want them anymore.

   Between Bruce (Caitlyn) Jenner and Rachel (NAACP) Dolezal I am now thoroughly convinced that I am a black woman trapped in a white mans body! Mmmmhmm! Hooooo Damn! Girl!

   The NAACP: Now with no artificial colors.

   So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.

   Don't mess with me. I could accelerate global warming by a decade by releasing the methane trapped in my office chair.

   I'm watching the same movie thats been on all week..."Complete Signal Loss"

   Men everywhere should appreciate Starbucks attempt to brainwash women into believing that grande means medium.

   Atheist don't hate unicorns or fairys or leprechauns because you can't hate something that isn't real. Atheist hate God because He is real.

   Cocaine so white it's head of the NAACP.

   Wait NAACP: Now you're sayin that " Once you go b!ack,,, you CAN go back?"

   Geesh calm down everbody... Maybe Rachel Dozel just considers herself a "incog-negro"

   Pro Tip: Its easy to smuggle booze into work if you put it into your stomach first.

   a blind man went to a silent movie ....

   My hot neighbor put a fence around her pool so I bought a trampoline.

   HER: You smell good...what are you wearing? ME: Weed.

   The next “60’s” are closer than the last “60’s”.

   Having watched the entire season of a show before me doesn't make you better than me, it makes you more unemployed than me

   "Hole of an ass you are..." ~ Yoda probably