Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm not arguing. I'm explaining why I'm right and you're wrong.

   Dance like nobody's watching. Because they're not. They're all looking at their phones.

   A woman says she is on her period, gets 123 likes.. As a man, I do not understand this.

   Facebook has been around 11 years. Which means there has never been a post about the Raiders making the playoffs.

   It's hard to compliment a fake person without lying.

   So blunt you could smoke me.

   My dream job is to drive Karma's bus.

   Social Media: When you can't stand being around human beings but also can't stand to be alone with your thoughts.

   ⚪️ single ⚪️ taken 🔘 stuck in 20 friend zones

   What you call vocabulary, others may call jargon, gibberish, lingo or slang...but its all the same to me.

   Dear Chocolate Covered Blueberries, Seriously where have you been all my life? I can see why your big sister Chocolate Covered Cherries has kept you secret all these years. Wow.

   How come the word Flatulance is not Fartulance?

   Burger King!.... because every place else is closed.

   Relax, I only plan on violating you virtually, you sexy beast.

   Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect. ANYTHING!

   2015 Come on everybody let's party like a Cleveland Browns back up quarterback!!!

   PRO TIP: If you see a carrot on tinder,,,,, ALWAYS swipe left

   What Obama's secretary should have said, "Why don't you play #17 twice, its a nice par 3"

   I hate it when I shake it too hard & a drop of pee hits me in the face. These guys probably think it's my first day as a bathroom attendant.

   "I can't wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver