Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   They say whoever smelt it dealt it, so technically this weed is yours officer

   As punishment for hacking, Sony to send Justin Beiber on a North Korean tour.

   2014 was a good year, unless you were a brother resisting arrest, pointing a toy gun, selling illegal smokes or beating your lady...

   I bet Nike's socks labeled R or L are driving OCD people nuts!

   I think I'd rather be waterboarded than have to hear one more Xmas song.

   Whats the difference between Michael Brown and Michael Brown jokes? ... Michael Brown jokes will get old one day

   Women- God’s version of Rubik cube.

   People with kids that don't have a fireplace have an issue in the morning..

   Whoever made up the saying "It's the thought that counts" never got a pair ofcrocs for Christmas.

   Every time someone uses Xmas instead of Christmas a kitten gets punched in the balls.

   How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?

   I start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, i'll be seeing six or seven.

   Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.

   Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.

   What question do men ask women the most? “ARE YOU MAD AT ME?”

   I just sneezed alcohol onto a candle and started a fire.

   How much Jim Beam goes in this Turkey gravy?

   Headed over to this "Toys for Tots" thing today...so how many tots do I have to trade in for a PS4 or an Xbox One?

   LinkedIn, a second version of Facebook but with more annoying, insecure, low intelligent, attention seeker people- children- with irksome personality types that should stay away from computers.

   My "Facebook Moments" thing is just a bunch of pictures of me getting drunk so, whatever...