Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.

   Christmas Gift idea: Take her to the Planetarium so she can see the world doesn't revolve around her.

   If nobody has unfriended, deleted, blocked or reported you to the Admin, then you are doing Facebook wrong.

   Dear Sony Hackers, So....What can you do about the Kardashians???

   Sorry I asked for a receipt when you gave me your heart..

   How do women think without a pen*s?

   There's still so much I have to unlearn.

   Everybody needs a playground...

   It's actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.

   Someone called me lazy today I almost objected.

   Debt doesn't buy happiness either.

   "Welcome to fightclub you may now kiss the bride."

   If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it's technically a cat

   [During Interview] "Do you have any questions?" - Yeah, in The Titanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?

   [breaks apart couple holding hands] You're free now

   But Officer, that's just my medicinal sawed-off shotgun.

   "But why?" - Me at weddings

   Please don't let the trainee make my burrito please don't let the trainee make my burrito please don't let the trainee make my burrito. Dammit the trainee is making my burrito.

   One day girl, all those flashing lights and sirens will be for us.

   Horoscope: Yes she got all your texts.