Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   16.The year is 2060. iPhone 842 is released. The screen touches you.

   Still can't believe Skeletor and Stretch Armstrong sold out and started selling cars.....

   Hey everybody I'm unique! Just like everybody else on facebook! But please give me validation anyways.

   Some dude is going to be eaten alive by an Anaconda tonite....BIG DEAL...I was eaten alive by a snake years ago and my lawyer got me out. Sucked dry, but free.

   People who are cheap and think hiring a professional is expensive should talk to people who chose to hire an amateur.

   these pretzals are making me thirsty

   Can't wait to see the hour of commercials it takes for some dude to be eaten alive by an Anaconda in five minutes tonite...

   he doesn't even get swallowed, discovery channel is losing all credibility

   Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?

   I've disappointed a lot of people in my life, you're not special.

   One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, call your ex.

   Don't forget to alienate people People love aliens

   If a white girl don't like Fireball Whisky, she's not a real white girl. She's a fraud.

   Shutting the fcuk up is fat free, you should add it to your diet.

   Remember kids, drunk texting your ex at 2am for a booty call is the best way to show everyone that you've moved on.

   Why aren't there more Christmas songs about revenge?

   My life is like an 80s movie. Bad acting, some drug abuse, but a great soundtrack.

   I would rather eat a meatloaf prepared by Hannibal Lecter than watch 5 minutes of Glee.

   Cake is better than sex because cavities are better than babies

   I pride myself on being more tolerant than I really should be with the general public. With that being said, we are long overdue for another plague.