Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hey people tin high-crime neighborhoods; How's that "Snitches get stitches" mantra working for you?

   Black lives matter only when killed by a white. Those killed by other blacks don't seem to matter as much.

   I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.

   I am so ready for Chrismas. To be over.

   I'm Amish but, I consider myself extreme Amish because I use electric.

   The amount of money you'd need to donate to ALS for me to do the Ice bucket challenge this time of year would cure ALS.

   Found a Jelly Belly in my winter coat from last year. I ate it.

   Stop texting me. If I wanted to see you again I would not have stolen the Honey Baked ham from your fridge

   cops, just another branch of the American of skin head society

   I shot the sheriff and his portraits in the park turned out great. Shooting the deputy tomorrow if weather permits

   So, what are all us fortunate people complaining about today?

   I went to a diner last night & the waitress asked "is pepsi okay?" I said I don't know!! did something happen?

   How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there's something seriously wrong with Eeyore

   "OK...that Trust Exercise didn't go exactly according to plan. Once we dispose of the bodies let's keep quiet about this...AS A TEAM!"

   Q: What's more disgusting than a hicky on a hemorrhoid? A: The chick that put it there.

   Hang on, let me change from my home flip flops to my going out flip flops. Then we can go.

   Hang on, let me change from my home Crocks to my going out Crocks. Then we can go.

   women say they like tall men but I'm probably at least 6'4 in these stilettos and not a single girl in this bar has approached me yet :(

   It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.

   They execute an American or an ally, we go after their sponsors, family, friends, lovers and clerics. Our job is to make terrorism so horrific that is becomes unthinkable to attack Americans and her allies.