Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That's what going back to an ex is like.

   Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor's coupons?

   Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.

   "How's phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can't ask on a job interview.

   I got caught taking a piss in the local swimming pool today. The lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

   well how long before we see KC Royals World Series shirts on the news during an ebola segment in Africa. ...

   This year, I'm takin' candy from kids who have the most, to give to the kids too lazy to trick-or-treat themselves. Happy Obamaween. Merica.

   When they report your photo to Facebook, and Facebook tells them your photo does not violates any rules. ;)

   The best time and place to hide a body is in your front yard during Halloween. That way, people will think it's just a decoration.

   I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.

   Apple CEO just came out today. I guess this explains why iPhone 6 bends.

   When I see ad's on Tv with smiling happy housewives using a new cleaning product ,the only thing I want to go out and buy are the Meds they must be on.

   Apple CEO, Tim Cook is so proud to be gay, he waited 53 years to come out.

   CEO of Apple Tim Cook annouces he's gay... Awaiting Samsung press conference announcing that they're waayyyyy more gay

   If you are a medical professional it is your duty not to spread political fear of a disease.

   I'm just looking for a reason not to drink

   I bet the guy working at the laundromat never has to break a hundred.

   If you're panicking about ebola going airborne , just remember that this means you believe in evolution.

   Prison football teams seam to have a difficult time finding a person qualified to play tight end.

   I'm going to as many Halloween parties as I can. I'll be in the invisible man. You'll just have to imagine I'm there. . .