Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.

   Making bad decisions can be your thing too It's not limited to idiots only

   A plunger, but for feelings.

   I'm sorry I put on surgical gloves to shake your hand.

   This new bidet is disturbingly accurate...how did they know the location of the target?

   While eliminating ISIS, there is another group of terrorists that has been terrorising Americans for years that needs to be taken care of for good. The Kardashians.

   I'd get a life, but it might get in the way of me reaching my potential on the internet.

   My therapist is a beer

   The Status here are dying. We need new blood.

   iOS 8.0.1 is designed to get people to stop calling their friends to brag about owning the new iPhone.

   There are an alarming amount of people getting engaged or married on my Facebook recently. Got my brain ticking with how much thought and planning they must have put into it. I don't even know what I'm having for breakfast tomorrow let alone get married

   Bruce Springsteen is 65 years old today. Now when he's dancing in the dark, it's because of cataracts.

   Making breakfast in bed for sleeping booty

   Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you'll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?

   I think Taylor Swift's song "Shake It Off" is a great potty training tool for boys

   Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?

   Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you're so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?

   If you're wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don't google 'old man bond age'

   How do you circumcise an ISIS dude? You can't. There ain't no end to them pr!cks.

   I was addicted to porn but I was able to beat it.