Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   if a white NFL player spanked his kid, then that would be ok according to the dorks here

   If a white cop had hit Adrian Peterson's 4 year old son like that, cities would be on fire and stores would be looted...

   Peyton Manning had to be a pot smoker, why else would someone buy a chain of pizza stores for. Of course, for free pizza when he is high . . .

   I can't understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

   Breaking News: NFL is going to investigate the Falcons for Domestic Violence against the Bucs...

   Sorry boss, I set my alarm for 7PM instead of 7AM and that's why I haven't been at work in one week.

   I'm pretty sure it was ISIS that put the new U2 album in our iTunes libraries with hopes that Bono's voice would make our heads explode.

   You smell good. You are my new girlfriend now. You have 24 hours to get rid of your husband.

   The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*

   I meant every drunken word... Whatever they were.

   My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I'll just leave it there. I'm not hiding who I am anymore.

   Coworker: OK, stop me if you've heard this one before. Me: Stop.

   I think the scientific term for life is, "that's some bullsh*t."

   I see you trying to win me over and raise you a wall

   Dateline gives excellent tips on killing someone.

   The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.

   None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because dogs can only bark.

   I have never seen a funnier headline than "Apple Releases Instructions for Deleting U2 Album It Provided for Free"

   Hey kids, see that new sports car over there? Well your old man got a promotion today & got some new glasses so I also see the car. nice car

   Girlfriend said "Do you want to go to a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert?" & I said "Do you want to have a different boyfriend that isn't me"