Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   U put songs like Anaconda on your top 10 list and you wonder why the world hatez you. - Tastless

   Beginning to wonder if starting each work day with 5 straight hours on Facebook may be kneecapping my productivity.

   If the N.F.L. cracked down on all the drug and alcohol abuse as well as spousal and child abuse watching football would remind me of golf.

   "But what does it mean?" - WOMEN

   First date idea: Stare at your phones and wonder if there’s anything better happening somewhere else.

   My Native American name is "Sits with purses while all her friends dance."

   I'm a female so I guess my favourite hobby is being right.

   I don't believe death is the end. In my heart I know that, long after I'm gone, I will continue to receive Hot Summer Deal!!! emails.

   Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.

   Yes men, you CAN fold a washcloth the wrong way.

   I told my wife I thought she was a little OCD sometimes, so she read like a 100 articles about it.

   I'm a male, so I guess my job is to tell you're wrong. By the way, where is my sandwich?

   How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: none, feminists can't change anything, silly!

   *Gets a DUI playing Mario Kart

   I avoid becoming a hoarder by repeatedly getting married,, then losing half my crap in the divorce.

   Me: What's the capital of Ohio?.... Son:.?... Me: It's also a famous explorer.... Son: Dora? ... Me: Yep,, Dora, Ohio.

   My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .

   My kid's hamster died, so I just glued some googly eyes on it and told him it was high on meth.

   You know the annual company meeting has gone completely downhill when someone suggests sacrificing a chicken.

   Technically, we're all half centaur.