Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   ALS Foundation admits that only 27% of donations are used for research!!! How's that bucket of ice feel now?

   I've decided that I'm never going to get back to my original weight and I'm OK with that. After all, 6 lbs 7 oz. isn't a realistic expectation.

   my vodka just did the ice bucket challenge.

   So, that's $27 million for ALS research? Feels great!!

   I channel my white side when I'm approached by the cops..

   I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.

   There is nothing more painful than watching the new girl make the sandwiches at Subways.

   I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.

   Dont go broke trying to look RICH. Act your wage!

   Does anyone else ever just take a couple of ibuprofin, just in case?

   Girls cant find their wallets, shoes or car keys but they sure as hell can remember something you said 8 months ago

   When my phone dies and I don’t have a charger, I might as well be Amish.

   Most stress is caused by three things: family, money, and family with no money.

   The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single last one of them.

   Don’t be stupid, if their ex is still calling its because they’re still getting an answer.

   "kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem

   Ice bucket challenge: als foundation admits less than 27% of donations fund research and cures

   A woman who smokes automatically becomes 75% less attractive to most guys.

   You know what? Some countries used to SCREEN applicants who were applying for citizenship, and wouldn't allow those who had even the SLIGHTEST ties to extremist groups ENTRY into their lands.

   75% of women who smoke swallow. . .