Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Do you think, Ajay Bhatt, inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?

   “you look tired” is the politically correct way of saying “you look like crap”

   Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.

   You know you're getting old when everything either dries up or leaks

   I am sorry I had to UNLIKE all your pics after my girlfriend read me the riot act.

   How much for the eternal loyalty & unconditional love? Ma'am that's a puppy

   I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!

   I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.

   wanna have some fun? get in the van!

   There may be a bunch of Princesses that follow me... But only one I'd fight dragons for.

   I hate it when people make words come out of their mouths

   I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.

   sometimes I wonder if I'm being selfish using my voice to just sing in the car instead of saving the music industry

   Pro Tip: If you're on the bus,, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.

   Tomorrow is "Drag your ex behind your car to work day".

   "If anyone here knows why these two should not be married speak now or-"......*Admiral Akbar rises*...... "IT'S A TRAP!!!..."

   Wife swapping?..... Count me in... Here she is, you're in the middle of a divorce.

   I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn't like it.

   Long story short I can't get these pet rocks to mate and now I'm under major pressure from my investors.

   I was wondering if I go on a Banana diet, will I end up throwing my feces like a gorilla does. . .