Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I want the equivalent of an e-cigarette for alcohol so I can do it at work. Get on that scientists! 
me:" cant come in to work today. I slipped in a snail trail and broke me ankle" boss:"on a nature hike?" me:"no walked in front of a theater playing 50 shades of gray"
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn't" you can rest assured that he did.
blunt so fat it swims with a shirt on
The " I got your nose game" is to be played with children! Try it on your pharmacist or the cashier at Target and they will call security!
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
Dear Life...Would you at least start using lubricant....
If you mix Jack Daniels with a Smirnoff, are you drinking a jack-off?
The best part about being a plumber a friend told me is you can tell a snobby old rich lady that she needs a new ballcock with a straight face...
That moment when you see your EX with that person they told you not to worry about during your relationship...
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
My feelings for you haven't changed...after a year I still don't like you.
Saw a X today I really liked back in the day. Dodged a Big Ole Bullet there.
You really could help childhood obesity by eliminating school zone speed limits. Make those little chubsters run when they see a car coming.
Interview Tip: wear your tie around your head like rambo so they know you're serious about business
Icebergs started the whole "Just the tip" lie.
I have a feeling that if I were _______ my wife would play with my pen1s a lot more...
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere
So desperately in need of a mindgasm. Stimulation of the mind can be bliss but share it with someone and it becomes heaven on earth.
Kanye West and Kim Kardashian lock eyes... "I love you" Kanye whispers as he sees his own reflection in Kim's eyes.
Site Links
© 1999 - 2021 Tjshome.com
