Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Strangers who think it's okay to just have a random chat with me is what's wrong with the world today.

   Always drink upstream of the buffalo herd.

   There is a special place in Hell for people that pass memes off as their own

   There is a new mohel in town. He doesn't charge for his services; he only takes tips.

   Having my boss over for dinner. Does anyone know where I can find a nice bottle of chianti?

   My introverts club met today...at separate houses.

   A bunch of old dudes-Rat Pack. A bunch of middle aged dudes- Brat Pack. A bunch of teenage dudes- Whack Pack

   Hot girls TBT are from last year. Fat girls TBT are from the last decade.

   has the NYPD found the "Vandals" that took the American flags off the Brooklyn Bridge and replaced them with French flags yet?

   I love when people say to me… Omg! Your so funny on FB. If they only knew about my awesome copy & paste ability..They could be just as funny!

   I thought fifty shades of grey was a book about the color on us old people hair

   Oh great. The 50 shades of grey movie comes out Valentine's day... I'm Not opposed to seeing it, my issue is if not going to first showing off day, odds go up exponentially as the day goes on that you'll be sitting in a wet chair.

   I finally got around to reading 50 Shades of Grey and I don't see what the big deal is.....I mean its no different then all of the other Sherwin Williams brochures that I've looked through......

   Its about time judges start sentencing evil mosters to botched executions.

   * Throws caution to the wind.... Wind throws it back and tells me I throw like a girl.

   I'm working on my second million. I gave up on my first.

   I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.

   I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, “At least they picked me”

   It’s sad when a girl breaks up and changes back to her “I need attention” Facebook picture.

   It’s amazing how many people are allergic to gluten, peanuts, and facts.