Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I must be looking extra good today because this dude with a backpack on the side of the road was giving me the big thumbs up. Thanks man!

   my dinner taste like lazyness and the day before payday!

   Lesbians are just guys I am not allowed to punch.

   a lot of wankers here who will thumb down a good joke cos it threathens their own

   The reason wedding invitations go out so far in advance is to give guests time to find something else to do.

   "Nipping it in the bud" sounds way more fun than it actually is.

   Husband asks me to hammer the nail in while he holds it . Most action I got all week.

   real men don't overuse emojis.

   If you can talk your wife into having sex, you could score with anybody.

   It's called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.

   My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.

   It's always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.

   f your cat really loved you it would be a dog.

   Do you consider it as an insult to be hit on by a gay guy? YES - t hums d0wn NO - t humbs Uo

   If my girlfriend really loved me she would be Megan Fox.

   X says •••note to self•••- I look pretty crazy talking to myself about notes.

   I just want to hang out with some people whose asses I don't have to wipe. Is that too much to ask.?

   Dude I'm in my prime, you don't need the roofies.

   If you can't handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out

   The worst sanction on Vladimer Putin from USA: if we send Justin Bieber to Russia!