Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The phrase ‘you need Jesus’ was made when two drunk people were sitting in front of a pool and one said “imagine if this was a pool of wine”

   Smoke Weed Every Day. Legalize it! Don't drink and drive, smoke and fly.

   Time to remove the little project black boy out of office ASAP !

   it normal to need to jack off after watching 5 minutes of Naked and Afraid? Asking for a friend.

   if you had to use a treadmill to re charge your cell phone we would all be health nuts!

   Just saw the fattest Dalmation ever. It was huge & had these teats that were almost touching the ground & it made a weird bark, like "moo"

   Amnesia sounds so relaxing.

   If Oreo's taught me one thing, it's that taking your food apart and licking it before you eat it is perfectly normal.

   I like to practice ballet every day because it keeps me on my toes.

   Marijuana: The reason man discovered fire

   That is correct Monday. And the horse you rode in on...

   How could there have been 60 shootings and 11 people killed in Chicago over the July 4th weekend when guns are not allowed there?

   Alone floating on a raft in the pool. Asked the neighbor to call my home phone and ask someone to bring me a beer. Work smarter not harder.

   My first mistake was thinking she couldn't hit a moving target.

   Dance like no one is watching. Because they're not; they're looking at their phone.

   I'm white but not "get up to go jogging at 3am before work" white.

   They are holding English signs because they want you to get the heck out of their country

   I just swallowed a little hair color. I think I'm going to dye.

   I want to be the first person on shark tank who walks in holding nothing but a turd in her hand

   Hey guys,, my feed is down.. Is anyone here friends with Kathy?..I'm on pins and needles over here about how her workout went yesterday.