Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sorry I was checking out your ass during your entire emotional breakdown.

   Being funny is so much hotter than being hot.

   No honey, I love your constant input on my driving

   I went on eBay this afternoon looking for a Dictaphone ...they gave me Obama's phone number.

   I use to be addicted to soap, but now I'm clean

   Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that sh*t!”

   I’ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason.

   remove money from a relationship and see if it still stands.

   If someone could take my phone away from me, that'd be great, thanks

   Hey ladies, awesome news, I checked, they sell hoodies in the women's section too. I know, right?! ..I'd like mine back

   I didn't know which one of my multiple personalities I wanted to be today, so I stayed home instead. . .

   Life is a vicious circle, I will trip you during a game of musical chairs. . .

   Dave Coulier's wedding turns into a full house of I don't give a F#Ck. . . . . .

   Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings. Pavlov says, "Oh hell, I forgot to feed the dog."

   I typed in "Tim Howard" into Google. I'm waiting for the search results but I think they've been blocked.

   I feel bad for Arab Americans that truely want to get into crop dusting.\

   If only you can see the Face I'm makiong ....When you add another plate in the sink while I'm washing the freakin dishes!!!!

   The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas, no joke. My day doesn't seem so bad now.

   Why are there no Knock Knock jokes about America? Because Freedom rings.

   Saw a guy wearing a backwards, upside down visor. I assume he DOESN'T want to block sun but DOES want to collect rain.