Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   No YouP0rn... I do not want to play poker, I'm at work for crying out loud.

   I dated a magician once; she put her hand on my leg and I turned into a motel.....

   I am never too old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.

   Leaving some stones unturned is just fine with me.

   When bad things happen to good people, I usually try to take a picture with my phone.

   Hey ladies, wtf is wrong with a selfie with just a normal smile??

   What's the recommended age to teach your child that Google has every answer to their homework?

   And in the news today, Justin Bieber has yet to be shot in a drive by. . .

   Just got a message from Jaheem Kofi, the kid I'm feeding for $.50 a day in Ivory Coast... he wants his NY Ranger 2014 Stanley Cup Champions T-shirt in small.

   some women wud rather stay in a bad relationship because starting over and not being able to fart around the new guy sucks.

   Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter. I don't even know who's party it was!

   iOS 8 let's you passcode lock specific apps? It's fun imagining how many break ups that will cause

   I wanted to put an England flag up outside my house but couldn't find one anywhere, luckily the old french soldier who lives next door gave me his flag and I just painted a red cross on it!

   Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.

   When did Marie Osmond become a Dietician?

   I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.

   I'd much rather crash the bachelor party than the wedding.

   Justin Bieber was "Baptized" last night.... Or as the church likes to call it... "A failed attempt to drown Bieber"

   You'll know right away what they want. You'll just pretend you don't.

   Why can't people tolerate a touch of their own medicine?