Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I know what you did 23 summers ago - Women

   I just went to the sperm bank but I left. Too many jerkoffs.

   Excuse me sir; you left your weird Jesus pamphlet on your bus seat. Oh yeah? Well here's a revelation for you: that's called littering.

   My safe word is, "gross"

   [Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper] "Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?"

   I died for your sins. Now suck my ding dong! -Jesus

   Obama 'I don't believe military intervention in Syria is the right move for America at this moment'.. In other News..No oil found in Syria

   If you can moonwalk out of a police station without bumping into anything they have to drop all charges.

   Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.

   Those of you who like food pictures, have you never been in a supermarket?

   My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.

   Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn't made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.

   I like to throw hostesses off by shooting back at them with, "Do I look Native American?" after they ask me if I have a reservation.

   According to the study that I never have done, alcohol consumption by stay at home Mom's goes up 500% when school gets let out for the summer.

   There are two things I cannot stand: Racism and Justin Bieber.

   Multi billion dollar nba can't fix the damm AC in time for the finals.....serious!

   I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster!

   Why can't Stevie wonder see his friends?... Cause he's married!!

   The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do a dramatic removal

   LeBron James needs to sign with a WNBA team where its okay to puss out of a game because of cramps.