Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Don't forget to support your local liquor store today!

   Just replaced my co-worker's lip balm with a glue stick insert. There's only so many ways to say "STFU!"

   Got a massive poke backlog, could you all poke yourselves.....i'm too lazy....Bob

   I can't be the only one who spits on my banana before eating it...Right?

   Since Obama is negotiating with terrorists......... Let's offer Mexico a prisoner swap. We will give them 11.7 million immigrants in exchange for our one Marine.

   Have you seen the infomercial for the hair removal thingy called, "NO-NO"? No wonder there haven't been any recent Bigfoot sightings!!!

   I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.

   Ugly old women who fight over their male colleagues with all other young women! well done! Your life sucks!

   Ugly old married women who fight over their male colleagues with all other young women! well done! Your life sucks!

   Relationship Status: eating raw cookie dough.

   Married women who fight over their male colleagues with all other young women! well done! Your life sucks!

   Why do I stare at your b00bs? Have you seen your face?

   Getting ignored by even the old ugly women at work- your life sucks.

   I judge you by your coffee. Skinny soy latte with hazelhut. Wears stockings under his pants.

   After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.

   If my car gets stolen, can my wife be in it? Asking for a break.

   I’ll keep texting you after you “yup” me. IDGAF.

   You new folks. All the funny sh*t's already been taken. There's a sale on the Inspirational Quotes floor. No one seems to want that sh*t.

   If by eating pizza, tacos and waffles in a single sitting then yes I've had a threesome before.

   Now that presidential spokesman Jay Carney is no longer a government employee, I am expecting him to rush right out and sign up for ObamaCare.