Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.

   If you love something... set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies, though.

   Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

   I got 99 problems and a bitch of a sister is one.

   I'm posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they're making ceramic bowls.

   If the duvet is still on the bed your clearly not doing it right

   There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.

   Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.

   When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.

   Sometimes I walk up to a plant and exhale carbon dioxide all over it. Did I save its life? Maybe. Am I a hero? That's for history to decide.

   I hate when I'm in a hurry at the bank and I get a really chatty cashier...What kind of gun is it, does it come in different colors, how many bullets does it hold???

   Good thing that elevator door opened when it did. I had Solange ahead by 10 points after the first round.

   Congrats on your 100th problem Jay-Z!!

   Pro Tip: Don't ask a chick if the Carpet matches the Drapes You sound like a interior decorator & everyone knows Interior decorators are gay

   H0m0ph0bia is stupid. Who the hell is afraid of homes.

   Have you ever told someone you'd be ready in 10 minutes and 4 hours later you're still on Facebook?

   One should not hide their feelings but rather hide the evidence.

   I'm gonna ignore you like an I.T. guy.

   Coffee is just a hug for your insides.

   Baby I'm a troublemaker, I heard that you're a heartbreaker.