Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".

   Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.

   I don't do selfies. The only time I picture myself is when I am with you.

   I'm at work for another hour and my phone's at 14%. If I don't make it to the end of the day, tell all my friends, "Not much u"

   I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.

   I was watching the gay scene on Game Of Thrones and my dad walked in on me... and immediately walked back out.. Now, he won't even make eye contact with me.

   I'm going to sue all of the big media production houses in America. For years I have been keeping digital backups of all of their works and to date they have not paid me a single cent for my services rendered.

   You are 18 yrs old, dating a 52 year old man and your status update says "I can't wait to see my baby" is he your baby or ANCESTOR?

   I am the type of person who hides 99 problems behind the happiest smile :)

   You look like the type of person that takes a Facebook quiz to find out what Flower or Celebrity you are.

   The worst part about shooting a unicorn with a crossbow is that it turns into a real horse when it dies and no one believes you.

   I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.

   Ladies; if your man has to stand on something to change a light bulb, you’re in a lesbian relationship.

   People who use tea bags only once, who the f cuk do you think you are? Bill Gates?

   When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.

   That frisk you give yourself when you can’t feel your phone. you even pat your knees like your phone could ever be there.

   The only heterosexual way for a man to shave his legs, is if he falls off a motorcycle at 120 mph.

   Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.

   Every time I see you I ask myself why the hell are you still alive.

   It's always a shame when someone dies and it's not Justin Bieber.