Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I tickled someone behind closed doors... now my giant dong is gone.

   If only life was as easy as getting fat.

   For every cigarette you smoke God takes away 1 year of your life and gives it to Hugh Hefner.

   My wife is breaking up with me because of my masturbation addiction… Boy do I feel like a big jerk.

   It's a beautiful day for a nice run to the liquor store.

   Find someone you're good at.

   Liars are like regular people except I want to hit them with a baseball bat.

   Twitter is the gym membership of the internet

   Pro tip: the kids run around a little longer of you forget to hide the eggs

   When Chelsea Clinton has her baby, do you think Bill is going to celebrate with a cigar?

   important status announcement - bacon sandwiches

   My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.

   I read today that when you have sex, you burn as many calories as running five miles. Who the hell runs five miles in two minutes??!!

   We've all seen that person on Social Media who likes to debate things as if they are a college professor. Dude...you're arguing with someone who uses "dat"

   I love to laugh but on this day I am remembering the Love and Sacrifice that Jesus did so that we could be saved.Amen !!

   Jesus was just either a good salesman or a good magician. Stop basing your life on a myth. Learn to face reality and deal with your problems like an adult and stop leaving them in the hands of a non-existent entity.

   MILEY CYRUS tour officially over:-CNN. *Sighh* CNN thank you for putting it as a headline.

   Are you on a date with me or with your phone? Just make sure that phone pays your share of this bill by the end of the night.

   Jesus IS the son of God and God's not dead. Stop living a self absorbed life holding to the flaeed ever-changing religion of Science. it is time that you understand that you are not the one in control.

   i got distracted by something and missed my ADHD meeting again.