Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   A man got a tattoo saying that Kentucky won the NCAA tournament this year even though they lost. The tattoo is right above his tattoo congratulating President Mitt Romney.

   Planning a wedding with your fiancé is good practice for divorce.

   Just one more drink and then I'm outta here" is one of my favorite lies.

   making up for low grades with high calories

   that horrible moment when you actually fall in love

   Hairdresser: do you like it? Me: yes thank you *goes home and cries* (happens everytime)

   Let's face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.

   Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait... Regular or Asian?

   I always wonder if somebody's feet will be dirty after running thru my filthy mind all day

   I bet the beeps the Malaysia search crews are hearing, are old sailor's pagers that fell overboard... them batteries lasted forever.

   Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.

   I find it ironic that I watched the movie "jobs" (about the creator of Apple) on my HP computer running windows 8.1..

   The barista at Starbucks gave me a free Mocha this morning! Must be a follower...... Facebook fame is finally paying off!

   how do Mexican's cut their pizza?? with Little Caesars

   I wanna make a t shirt with hitler swinging a baseball bat and FDR in umpire gear saying 3 Reichs you're out

   Some people fight for their instincts even stronger than they fight for their principles.

   It's almost 2015, why don't we have hoverboards yet?" he typed into a pocket-sized device that can do everything.

   My research has shown that girls with shaved-off-and-drawn-back-on eyebrows tend to be more confused by a push/pull door than a 5 year old toddler.

   Somehow she tracked that fart back to me....and that's how I met your mother.

   Be generous with time! Use as much of it as you can by telling people to get the f cuk out of your face!