Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Who need's a spouse when you have the Facebook?

   So when is the next heterosexual parade so we can brag about how heterosexual we are? Asking for a friend....

   Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep. Friday night here I come

   Find a penny pick it up and all day long you'll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross

   How many Smurfs have to die for the liquid in a porta-potty?

   I'm sure that I'm not alone in this. My whole life Frosted Flakes has been my favorite cereal. I keep it in my freezer as the cereal says Frosted.

   If police are gonna profile,,, they gonna look for a spade dressed like a gangsta

   I can't find my phone,,, I must be on Malaysia Airplain mode

   A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.

   If you're in a vehicle traveling at the speed of light and you put your head lights on does it act as breaks and slow you down. . .

   Shout out to all my peeps and be glad I am not drinking or I would be drunk calling you right now @2:13AM. . .. . .

   Envy = inferiority

   Facebook got 2 billion to burn even though the site is 90% candy crush requests & fake news that tricked your grandma.

   Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?

   A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

   Bumped and grinded last night.....my head on bed post and my teeth

   Racism makes as much sense as saying I don't want that gift because of the color of the wrapping paper.

   You can't be ugly and play hard to get... You're already hard to want.

   I named my dìck truth, because bìtchès can't handle it.

   I thought lubing my arse with vegetable oil would make my poop come out faster, but I just slipped off the toilet and shat on the floor.. :(