Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That's somebody's daughter.

   Sochi Olympic officials announce construction is complete and the facilities are now ready......

   May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.

   I'm going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.

   Woke up this morning after a hard night of boozing, stepped on the scale and I lost 3 pounds. There ya have it. Dignity weighs 3 pounds.

   I got married so that I can be autocorrected even when my phone is off.

   Dale Jr won.....there hasnt been this much excitement in the trailer park since number 9's meth lab blew up

   Proverbs 9:8 "do not correct a scoffer, or he will hate you" or in modern words "haters gonna hate"

   I forgot where I threw my boomerang but after a little while it came back to me.

   broke women should stop carrying big ass purses and bags. You don't need a bag or purse that big to carry all that money you don't have.

   Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?

   I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend's parents.

   RIP Harold Ramis - If there is ever a Ghostbunsters 3, I guess Egon will be the ghost they hunt...

   Ladies, keep it smooth please. No guy wants to floss his teeth while he's down there

   There should be a ride or die carpool lane for serious travelers.

   How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can't even make her a mix tape anymore?

   If you didn't want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.

   If you're happy and you know it, slap her ass.

   I saw my ex earlier and realized how much I missed her. Had to go back round the roundabout and run her over on the second attempt.

   A MILF is a sexy ass mum over 35. If you're 18, you're just an idiot with a baby.