Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Body language can be so subtle that only an intuitive person can read your mood. Body slams, I have found, are far more direct.

   Jimmy Fallon's monologues are weaker than a mixed drink at a strip club.

   it's about time the majority of those people who opposed Marijuana have finally died. . .

   Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.

   I've completely replaced sex with food. I had a mirror installed over my dining room table.

   Those little Girl Scout devils got me again. It never fails...

   go to translate.google.com - type "........" change language to Japanese, click listen... Enjoy!

   I thought Sochi was uncooked fish?

   Has anyone ever encountered a semi-stranger barefaced freeloader in their life?

   Don't threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.

   How do you beat a country that will change it's liquor laws to allow bars to open so people can gather and watch gold medal games??? YOU DON'T!!!

   I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl's phone and saw that my number was saved as FREE FOOD.

   If a bitstrip cartoon defines your creativity level...we can't be friends.

   It's ok Sweden, a silver is still better than what the Americans got.

   Jimmy Fallon will last on the tonight show less than a fart in a picnic basket

   "You won a math debate" .. say it fast and out loud.

   Bing Bing Harro prease!

   Obama to continue going it alone. Thats good, because I dont think anyone is following him anymore...

   How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should already be open when she brings it.

   You shouldn't be buying lobster when you're on a tuna fish budget.