Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I pondered the meaning of life once, but then I just went back to living it.

   The best part of the Grammys is not watching them.

   So, you're telling me that the Grammys aren't cute little bags of cocaine?

   Who knew Justin Bieber was old enough to have an expired license? Also, he blew .014 caused by too many gummi bears.

   You're right, vodka. This IS the perfect time to use a hammer.

   I wonder if Pink's carpet matches the name.

   You want to talk to me about the Grammy's? Oh I'm sorry, you must have confused me with some sheep who give a ¢r@p about celebrities.

   At least it wasn't PITBULL who won the RAP ALBUM award.

   Be careful when you're thmoking a metal bowl in thub thero temperaturths.

   anyone else suck on a POLO mint as long as you can without breaking the circle? and then feel gutted when you do?

   “Ever tried to push a piece of wood underwater?” - Mary telling her girlfriends about how she washes Jesus.

   my phone says it still isn't snowing. Has anyone checked outside?

   Someone stole my wife's credit card but I'm not reporting it because they're spending a lot less than she does.

   I just got a great deal on a dairy cow. It's lactose intolerant.

   Im a grown man and I just put a bread tie back on! What does that mean!!?

   So ladies, that figure of speech he takes your breath away or is it how he holds you by the neck in the heat of passion. . .

   Everyone's all, 'OMG! Snow!', and I'm just over here like, 'Hey, tonight Obama is going to officially announce that he's going to overtly rule by decree.'

   Barack Obama's best bet tonight is to just run into the room, strongly high-five as many people as he can and then run out...because...I'm pretty sure we know what the state of our union is.

   Don't worry about the weather. Things will warm up after all the hot air from the State of the Union speech.

   Remember: Before you were Mommy's little darling you were Daddy's little squirt.