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You know the passion is gone when you watch a whole movie together. 
If a man says you're ugly he's being mean. If a woman says you're ugly she's envious. If a little kid says you're ugly, you're ugly.
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Illinois Governor Quinn has declared a state of disaster for Illinois.... It's been a disaster for a long time......
Global Warming my half frozen ass!
My bank balance is sinking faster than Scott Peterson's wife.
Liking Your Own Status Is Like High Fiving Yourself..
Jameis Winston's trial has been overturned, because he is getting raped!
I saw a woman about to jump off a cliff. “You want to have sex first”, I said. She said, “no” so I said “OK, I’ll wait for you at the bottom!”
Brace yourself...here comes all the closet Florida State fans & SEC haters.
I love intelligent women with high I.Q.s, but man it sure makes keeping track f the lies a pain in the ass..!
I wonder if when Ice Cube was in NWA he thought one day he'd play a cop in light hearted comedy
However lonely you feel, you're never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
Polar vortex proof Mother nature is not having a gender identity crisis. In everyday terms that's cold hearted.
If by cold,, you mean my freezer is keeping things WARMER than the outside air temps,,, then yes it's cold...
Think my wife is a little OCD since whenever I go out with the kids I need to come home with the exact same amount.
Everyone up north, please post more pics of ice. 