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Scoopable kitty litter makes me feel like the worst gold miner ever. 
Are you all done with your Christmas shopping? I bought a lot more people gifts this year than I thought I did. You know why? I used my credit card at Target.
I bought one of those cloned (stolen form Target) credit cards on the black market and as luck would have it, I ended up buying my own.
you have 1 more see whats left,been damaged, left for dead, returned already what the heck is that? shopping day left!
"Drinky poos"- What a girl calls a drink to try and be cute. "Drinky poos"-What a man has the morning after a night of drinking!!
new way for a woman to get even with her ex....take his credit card & go on a shopping spree at target
A mans apology after he argues with his woman is "you want something from the store?" or " are you hungry?"
There are two types of people in this world and it is easily determined by what they do when an ice cube falls on the floor.
Sign said "WET PAINT" So I emptied my water bottle on it. I'm currently waiting on further instructions.
"ENGAGEMENT is when a man promises to marry a woman in a few months NOT when a man gives a woman a ring for 5 years, that is WITCHCRAFT!!!"
Tip Of The Day # 12232013 (for novice surgeon doctors ) " The way to a man's heart is through his stomach "
According to my Nike fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
I bet Mary and Joseph were like "Gee thanks little drummer boy. Cause the one thing every sleep deprived parent wants for their newborn is a drum solo!"
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment" Kathy.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Christmas is a race to seewhich gives out first your money or your feet.
I really hope that I don't get another sweater for Christmas. I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer.
That age when you drop a coin on the floor and anything smaller than a quarter isn't worth the effort to lean over and pick up.
The neighbor kid said "my dad and beat up your dad" and my kid didn't argue the point. FML.
The way my kids freak out on Christmas morning, that's the way I feel right before I open my breakfast beer! 